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Okay, okay. I might have been a little harsh on character Pete Kaczmarek (played by Jerry O’Connell) from the new hit show The Defenders in my earlier post about the show.  I was speaking at the time about how I seem to watch only shows with “eye-candy” as my son would call it and I was defending myself – miserably. In doing so, I insisted that Pete’s character was not eye candy and that I think pretty boys are boring, one-trick ponies. I like the other guy, played by Jim Belushi – which I do. 

If you haven’t seen the show, Pete Kaczmarek is a defense attorney working in Las Vegas. He’s ambitious, good-looking, charming, well-respected and a serious playboy. Jerry O’Connell brings out the humor as well as the soul – when needed – very well. Still, Pete, respected or not, is a hound dog who knows how to work women to his advantage.

Why I was so harsh when first describing his character, is guys like Pete  used to turn me into a stammering, neurotic, brainless, idiot when I was younger. It’s not pretty, trust me. For those who don’t know me really well let me explain that I was being tongue in cheek when I called him a One Trick Pony, okay guys? I didn’t work them, they worked me.

 The trick was simple, they’d smile and I’d open my wallet, my home, my car, whatever just so that I could walk into a room with them. I didn’t date them, I bank rolled them. I was the sidekick friend to whatever hot alpha female they were toying with. I never got the guy, I just got the bills. I even had dinner at the Chicago Yacht Club once, I was impressed until he forgot his wallet. Okay, I didn’t care, cuz well.. he was GORGEOUS.

  I pick on pretty boys because God forbid, one of them starts up flirting with me, I still blush and giggle at 46 and I swear that embarrasses me even more. It’s a curse. I hate it – not the flirting, I kinda like that. I mean I hate the whole blush/giggle thing. You can ask my husband if you don’t believe me. — He’ll tell you all about the cowboy who tipped his hat at me and said “Ma’am.” I think I squeaked before I blushed and giggled, I’m not sure. That poor man.

To be fair – I’ll tell you about the time we were at a concert and Nicole Nordeman walked up to him, stuck out her hand to shake his and rendered him speechless. Our youngest son just looked up at her and said’ Uhm, I think my dad wants your autograph.” — He punched me in the arm when he got back to the seats for not telling him she was there. I’d never heard of her, but apparently he had.

  How I wound up with the man I did, I’ll never know. I actually think God took pity on me.

Jerry O’Connell plays Pete, really well and his character does have a lot of heart as is shown in episode one when he keeps an innocent kid from going to jail.  If you want to see what I’m talking about, check out CBS’s latest Defenders Trailer.  I tried to embed it, but the CBS page isn’t set up for that, sorry.

So, come 9 pm CST, I’ll be at home watching my favorite new show. What are you going to be doing? – edited to add: Or not. CBS had a Grammy Show scheduled instead, and the local affiliate chose to show a college basketball game and some Survivor show. Now I’m sad.

The Defenders on CBS: Standing on the Shoulders of Giants.

My youngest son has accused me of uhm, having a thing for male eye candy on TV and he’s getting annoyed. Seriously? The child who shushes us during certain commercials is calling ME out? Ha! I have no clue what he’s talking about.

I watch 24 with my family because it is action packed and my boys like it. Same with all of the other shows I like. Bones, Castle, and The Human Target are all good quality, action packed family shows. So what if the lead actors are a bit on the hunky side, that’s not why I watch them. I’m also a natural redhead, and men read Playboy for the articles, but I digress. I like Lie to Me and The Mentalist as well and no one can accuse those guys of being, “eye candy.”

Look at the alternative popular shows. Raising Hope just raises my blood pressure and tells me that Cloris Leachman’s retirement portfolio is worse than mine, and don’t even get me started on Cougar Town. I hate that show.2 1/2 Men is disgusting.  The Good Wife is depressing. We have enough hospital and policeman soap operas to last to eternity and there’s no real comedy in sitcoms anymore, (well that nerd show is cute, but I can never remember when it’s on) so what’s a girl to do?

Well, if you are like me and sick of garbage on TV, maybe you are plugged in to The Defenders on CBS.  If you aren’t plugged in, then you should be. It’s clean, it’s funny, it has some drama, and it’s got heart, without the candy. I love it. Is it realistic? No, not really. But the world is real enough. Frankly, I like being entertained for an hour.

Granted, maybe the no candy thing isn’t entirely true. Don’t tell my son, but I watch the show for one actor and one actor alone..


It’s true.

I have a thing for Nick Morelli.

Shocking I know.

He’s a believable character. I mean yeah, it would be nice to have some mystery novelist, or FBI agent chasing after me, but they seem so high maintenance when you think about it. They are hunky to be sure, but they are so needy. Castle is insecure and Booth has commitment issues. And both guys fall for emotionally unavailable women who lead them around by their noses whether they realize it or not. I mean they look good and all, but do any of them really wear the pants in their relationships? no! And Jack Bower? Every women he falls for gets killed. No thank you.

But, Nick? Nick has heart. He cares deeply about people, about justice, and about life. His partner, played by Jerry O’Connell, is an annoying, self-absorbed playboy. (Jerry plays him very well I might add.) Pretty boys are boring. They are easy to size up, easy to manipulate and easy to toss away. They are, as my friend used to say a one trick pony. I’ll take a man with soul over a man with designer soles, any day.

Nick has heart, he has passion, and he has mystery.

My son can think what he wants. What makes something eye candy, really depends on the lens through which we view it. And what might be appealing to a 20 something female is not necessarily what is appealing to a 45 year old woman who has lived a bit of life – isn’t even close to the same thing.

Granted, I am just a blogger and today’s episode did trash bloggers, and according to some hollywood writer who apparently got their wittle feelers hurt, “bloggers are wanna be journalists who don’t have ethics and write mean nasty things about people.”


And yes, said writer can laugh all the way to the bank while I write for fun. (Translation: I write for free.) But I don’t say mean, nasty things about people. Okay – I said I hated Cougar Town, but can you blame me?


This unethical, non journalist likes the show. You should check it out.

And for some fun trivia, my favorite quote of the night was “We are standing on the shoulder’s of giants.” which is taken from (per

For the Oasis album, see Standing on the Shoulder of Giants.
Dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants (Latin: nanos gigantium humeris insidentes) is a Western metaphor meaning “One who develops future intellectual pursuits by understanding the research and works created by notable thinkers of the past”; a contemporary interpretation. However, the metaphor was first recorded in the twelfth century and attributed to Bernard of Chartres. It was famously uttered by seventeenth-century scientist Isaac Newton (see below). The picture is derived from the Greek mythology where the blind giant Orion carried his servant Cedalion on his shoulders.

“Standing on the shoulders of giants,” is not just some great pep talk. that phrase  is a reminder that we are but dwarfs standing on the shoulders of greater men and women than our selves so that we may have a better view.

Those of you who read my blog know that I perform stand up from time to time and that I study comedy. I don’t study so that I can borrow or steal — known as being a hack by insiders– but so that I can learn. I write and perform my own stuff. To do less than that would discredit those who went before me.  It would be a disservice to people I respect greatly, like Gilda Radner, Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball. I have a lot of respect for comedy writers and comedy performers. It takes intelligence to write and perform clean comedy. There is a lot of intelligence in The Defenders.

No matter what our field, our ambition, or our goals, we are all standing on the shoulders of giants. Those great thinkers who went before us to lift us up to better heights. Never should we be so bold as to think the hill we stand on was made of our hands.

Compared to these guys, I’m a dwarf. A very grateful one and I’ll never forget that.

This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart: Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic. All rights reserved. 11/17/10

Book Review: Real Men Don’t Apologize by Jim Belushi

Real Men Don’t Apologize

James Belushi

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Hyperion; 1st ed/1st printing edition (May 9, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1401301827
  • ISBN-13: 978-1401301828
  • WARNING: This is not my typical kind of post and I’m not sure it’s family friendly — but it is 100% me. Like it or leave it. Remember that dream I had about Jim last week? Well, I decided to dig into it and see if perhaps I might be able to learn something – so I bought his book. I never watched According to Jim because it was on Tuesdays and well, Fox rules Tuesday night. ;-D I have no idea what that show is about, but I do know about the book. I’m giving it 4 stars out of 5.

    Okay, I’ll admit it, I used to cry when Mr. Rogers came on TV. Why? Because he scared me.  My Grandfather owned a hardware store near Syracuse NY, and the rest of the men worked in construction.  My mother was a book-keeper for several construction companies. I had men around, they just didn’t wear cardigan sweaters and penny loafers. The men in my life came with blood, sweat, tears, mouths and beer. Mr Rogers looked like the creepy neighbor up the street all the kids were told to stay away from.

    Surrounded by construction, and raised by a single Mom, it’s really no surprise that I grew up to become the only female on an all male crew at Sprint Communications in Chicago back in 1987. These guys taught me everything I know about hard work, telecom and the essentials of smoking, drinking and swearing. (Something my husband has spent 22 years trying to unteach me) Even my Father-in-law was a Teamster and he taught me how to play poker and let me swear when his son wasn’t around. Dad is gone now, but oh I loved him.

     As frequently as I’d punch one of guys I worked with in the arm for “being a pig” I always knew I was the safest when I was with my crew. I could trust them — because they were men who behaved like real men when it counted. They protected me when I needed protection and they kicked me in the backside when I needed that as well. They were honest and they were real.

    The only exception to this rule is the married slime ball who tried to sleep with me when we were on a job together in Dallas. I turned him down and it wasn’t pretty. He was kinda mad. My shift manager found out and after verbally reaming me for being so stupid (I’d been flirting with the guy because I thought I could get away with it.) he sent me back to Chicago. The guys took me out, and filled me in on the facts of life, like I’ve never heard – the complete and unabridged version not fit for this blog.

    I was only 22, on my own for the first time and grateful to have men in my life who gave it to me straight, held me accountable, and protected me when needed. I owe a lot of who I am as a women today, to these men.  I never saw dipshit again. Rumor has it they sent him to work with the rats in the sewers. I’ve been to our warehouse on Wacker drive, I’ve seen those rats. (They are bigger than my dog) and I’m happy he found a home away from home.

    So what does all that have to do with Jim Belushi’s book, Real Men Don’t Apologize? A lot. I’m setting the scene. While this book is obviously written by a man for men — I enjoyed it. Yes, it’s sometimes rude, crude and vile and yes I did at times wish I could punch him in the arm for “being a pig,” however,  my past experience with men helps me sift through the BS. He has a lot of great truths in here that I believe women should know about. The problem is, most women I know wouldn’t be able to sift through or stomach the raw nature of his writing and that’s a shame some of it is actually laugh out loud funny. And some of it requires an interpreter — which is where my husband really came in handy. I’ll add — much to his dismay, there are some things that should just stay between the guys. He’s right. I didn’t need to really understand all of that.

    I read this book in two days. You don’t believe me, go look at my kitchen, it’s a mess. I’ll get it cleaned up. There were pieces in this book that kicked me in the gut – it reminded me of the good old days of Chicago and my crew, God how I miss those guys. There are things here I need to learn and do for myself and I’ll leave that for another day and another blog. 

    Real men don’t apologize for who they are – even in face of a woman who is trying to make them — That’s big ladies. If you are a harpie or someone bent on castrating a man, this book will really upset you. Jim’s advice to men – know who you are, live who you are, and know your boundaries, are great adages for women as well. (Things I’m not doing well right now)  It’s also good to know Belushi’s Five commandments — and Jim or Jim’s attorney, please forgive me — But I HAVE to share this – my husband has the same “rules.” This is what respect looks like to both my husband and apparently to Jim.

    1. Thou Shalt Not Shush Me – ever
    2.  Thou Shalt Not Steal 
    3.  Thou Shalt Not Banish Me to the Couch – this is a non-negotiable rule in our house, has been since I met my husband in 1987. Unless I’m snoring and then he banishes himself. (which of course I never do.)
    4. Thou Shalt not Compete with Me (Personal note: women don’t always know what competing looks like to you guys – really wish he’d expounded here.)
    5. Thou Shalt not expect an apology for something I am not sorrieth for

    This is an excellent book — language and crudeness aside — he speaks well of his wife Jenny and his children and the sweetest thing in it – the end. He tells what the ONE thing Jenny gave him that no other woman ever did — and to find that out, you have to read the book.

     If you’re brave, check it out – skim through the “yuckier” stuff if you have to, but I warn you don’t skim too far he’s buried some wonderful surprises in there.

    And for those who’d rather just judge the title of the book — don’t. Under no circumstances does he ever say, be a jerk, treat people badly and make no excuses. He sets the scene very early about that. Chapter One I believe in a “man quiz” — Real men own their mess — and I’m sorry is a manipulative word – if you did something wrong, own it and clean it up do not blame shift. And that — is respectful.

    To order his book check out the web page: Jim Belushi or to check out his newest show The Defenders on CBS

    This post written by Deana O’Hara for Redemption’s Heart: Confessions of a Spiritual Bulimic. All rights reserved. No goods or services were received in exchange for this review.